What Not to Say to Someone Who’s Expecting

This is just for fun! Lucky for most strangers in town, I love Jesus, and do not reply as I do here. And again, this is from STRANGERS. I don’t know if I live in a filter-less town, or that the affliction of saying the first thing that pops into your head to random people is normal. Either way, just some silly things that my husband has had to hear all about since I started showing.

#9: You’re pregnant again? Have you figured out what causes that?

       No, please enlighten me. As a matter of fact, could you show diagrams?

#8: You’re [ x months along]? You are so small!  

        Really? You think I’m this size normally?

#7: ALL these children are yours? [with an incredulous/shocked face]

         No, but we live in the country. It’s common practice for people to drop off strays, and once you start feeding them. . . 

#6: How are you going to afford all of them?

      We plan to work them from an early age. Or live off the system. As a matter of fact, could you spot me a twenty?

#5: You’re going to have your hands full!

       And I notice yours are empty. Could you please grab my purse/diaper bag/child #2?

#4: How are you going to handle them all?

      Option 1. Leashes.

      Option 2. We kidnapped Mary Poppins, and refuse to give her up.

      Option 3. I haven’t thought that far ahead. Meh.

      Option 4. I expect the system to cover all our shortcomings.

#3: So, are you guys DONE now?

       Well, we are still praying about birth control and it’s effects on the modern day family and marriage in all of society. I know for me, personally, I don’t agree with almost all of the options, although I am learning more about Natural Family Planning. My husband is still praying about it, and as the head of our home, I trust him, ultimately, with whatever he decides. What kind of birth control are you using? How do you and your husband feel about that? Do you have an email where I can reach you to let you know our decision?

#2: What are you going to DO with them all?

       We plan on voting out the least popular one at the end of the season. It works on Big Brother, and that is certainly an accurate depiction of a household.

#1: What are you? Nuts?

      Yes. Extremely. Over-the-top-crazy-in-love with our children. 

These are all things that I’ve heard in the past six months or so. And my handsome hubby is very proud that I never actually responded the way I did here! For real. He told me he was, and he had a kind of worried face. It’s been very hard to not sarcastically lash out and say what I am feeling, because this touches a nerve deep inside.


I cannot express that enough. Capslocks and BOLD do not do it. I know who I am. I know my faults, my history, the things I do wrong. I do not deserve the perfect, beautiful children we have. Society doesn’t owe me children.They are not possessions, things that we own or control. Every single one that God has blessed us with is a gift. However, there are no guarantees: I have watched some friends go through the loss of a child, and the heartbreak that I simply can’t imagine. When we took each of our babies home from the hospital, no nurse followed us out giving us a guarantee of life through age 70, or a receipt stating that there will be no special needs that will bring us to our knees in desperation. The fact that we have THREE children who are healthy is enough for me to raise my hands to the heavens in deep thankfulness. That doesn’t mean that I can expect it forever, or that our fourth one will be the same. I still have no idea what our parenting journey will bring; how our children will break our hearts, make us proud, show us Jesus. I only know that I need Him every step of the way, because I want so badly to be the Mom He was looking for when He gave them to us. Each of our children are so different, and so filled with purpose. I can’t do the same for one as I do for the other. Their temperaments, strengths and weaknesses are completely unique to just them. The plans that God has for them are completely their own; He is going to do things with our children that are going to petrify me. I am going to want to shield them, protect them, help them. He wants to mature them, grow them, bring them to Himself. I get to watch His love for all of mankind, from the outside. I get to see Him at work in their lives, before they can even see it. And it makes me see again how much He loves me. As much as I love these children with a passionate, all-consuming love, He loves them more, and He loves me more. 


So, we are anxiously awaiting the birth of Gift #4. Anxiously. We thought for sure he or she would have been here by now. A week ago. This could have actually led to another Top Ten list of things never to say to an overdue pregnant woman, but I understand that most of it is said in love, and I’m so thankful that people think of me, and pray for me. Two or three days ago, I must admit, I was grumpy, and did ask our oldest son why this baby was taking so long to come out. He responded right away, “Oh no. Did it die in your tummy like Auntie’s baby?” Nothing like some fresh perspective from a five year old! I’ll be patient. God and the baby will decide which day to make his or her own. Until then I will marvel that I have been given another opportunity to bless the world, to carry on Jesus’ name, and to hold this baby right near my heart. 

So, what do you say to a mom with a few young children?

You say, with a smile:

Do you want me to grab something for you?

Do you need help with anything?

They sure are cute! They must take after their daddy.

I am praying for you.

I know, when my cart is empty, and my ducklings are gone, that I will say:

My, what a beautiful family you have. You sure are blessed. 


***I love hearing from you! I can’t believe people actually read this. Comment and tell me what you think, or hit me up on Facebook. I love hearing from old and new friends.

10 thoughts on “What Not to Say to Someone Who’s Expecting

  1. This was beautiful, Sandra! I can’t believe people say those kinds of things. Our society just does not value children. You are a wonderful mama and I can’t wait for number 4 to arrive!


  2. As always, Sandra, your perspective on things allows me to see things in a different way. It blesses my heart to know you treasure your children and see them as God’s gift to you. Praying for safe delivery, whenever that day is (hopefully soon).


  3. I love where you said you marvel at yet another opportunity to bless the world. That is exactly how every person should view a new baby coming into the world! Oh, if only every person (or at least more people) could view family in this way, what a different society we would have. Your children will truly be a blessing to the world because they have been loved and raised by parents such as you and Sim. Yet every child is a gift and a blessing whether they are regarded as such or not. Sadly, too many are not regarded in this way. You’re an amazing young family, with wisdom and love for your kids that I know comes from your relationship to God. God bless this new little one and your whole family.


  4. Oh Sandra, you hit it out of the ball park, a home run for you. I will never understand the need that some folks have to blurt before thinking. I so admire the Godly parents you and Sim are and the wonderful example you are living of His unconditional love. May the Lord continue to bless you and your growing family as He has planned in His will.


  5. Well said!!! And so funny because as a mother of 5 I have heard all of these things. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who finds these kind of statements demeaning. Like you I feel that each of my children are a precious gift from God and I feel priveldged that He has entrusted them to our care. Thanks for sharing!


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