My Place in This World

Time, time, time. It’s hard. We are told to “live like we are dying.” Great thought, because it teaches us to be careful how we spend our time, but mercy, if that can’t give you pressure if you’re like me. We all have goals of some sort; I remember wanting to be married at 19 (simply because my mom was), with kids at the age of 21. I also planned to be a lawyer, so I don’t know how I was to fit law school in there. But I had expectations, and when things didn’t go as they planned, it was hard. I can feel for all my single friends, and people who are worried about where they are now, in comparison as to where they wanted to be, or dreamed they would be as a child.

Now that I was married at 21, and now on our fourth child at 28, I don’t feel that same pressure, for those kinds of things. But yet, I still want to do so much, and find that I can’t right now. That was the reason for my last post, and I just wanted to update that. I had a lot of private comments about it, through email and facebook, and it was so close to my heart, that I felt I simply must update you with my own little attitude change.

On the weekend I was able to hold a showing of the movie Nefarious, a documentary about human trafficking. I had never seen it before, but I had heard so many good things. I knew it would touch me, and wreck me, and renew in me a passion that had always been there, to reach out to those in bondage. I was super pumped to be seeing it at all, because we had missed a screening in a nearby town a few months back. And I was right, it did wreck me. It did cause me to think of my already huge shortage of time and resources, and that I can’t be where I want to be, sometimes.

And then I realized where I was.

During one part of the movie, my HH (handsome hubby) reached over and took my hand. He knew that what they were saying and showing was hitting my heart. And in that action, I realized what the preceding days had been like. I was so nervous that no one would show up. He had prayed about it with me, constantly, heard my thoughts, and my hopes. He made arrangements to pick up brochures that were very important to me. He drove all over the city Saturday night to pick them up. The day of the showing, he made dinner and straightened up the house because I attended a birthday party that day. He helped me race to get everyone out the door, and then got the kids situated in the nursery, while I set up the info table. And then, during the movie, he was right beside me, holding my hand through the parts he knew would hurt. I think I cried more AFTER the movie, thanking him for being my best friend, and HH, than I did DURING.

Is he over-the-top passionate about social justice like his crazy wife? Does he know all the stats, backwards and forwards? Does he cry at the thought of a little child being hurt?

No, no, and no. He certainly cares about others, and of course the movie hit him deeply, too. But that’s not why he did all that work, or listened to me, or held my hand.

He cared, because I cared.

Simple as that.

What a blessing it is to have a best friend. Someone who cares about something, just because you do. Obviously, this is an amazing picture of the Father. He cares for the things we care about. But what pressed me most, and what I heard from you guys most, is how hard it is to have a little peace.

First, we want to finish school. Then we want to get married. Then we want to have children. Then we want them to sleep through the night. Then we want all the teeth tojustcomeinalready. Then we want them potty trained. Then we want school to start. Then we want our mortgage paid. Then we want “life to start.” It is so easy to get caught up in the next season, and not even notice this one is ending. And the whole time, we are worried about if we are in the right place at all. Am I supposed to be here? What if I am supposed to be there? What if God is calling me here? I can’t answer that for anyone but me, but I know that He has given me the peace that passes understanding, and that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and mercy, am I having the time of my life. Do you have that peace? Do you see the good in your season of life? If you aren’t married, are you so happy that you are only responsible for you? If you don’t have kids, do you treasure the fact that you can sleep in, and that your garbage can actually smells good? If you are up during the night with your little one, do you memorize each sigh, smell and feeling of that baby in your arms?

I know we won’t be able to buy all the gifts we want this year. I know we won’t pay off our mortgage in the next five years. I know that our children are going to disappoint me, and not meet milestones when the books say they will. I know that I probably won’t be able to go to Thailand for a while. But mercy, do I have PEACE.

If I live to be eighty years old, which isn’t even quite my life expectancy, I still have a lot of life yet. I still have a lot of years to fill. I don’t have to have, and be, everything RIGHTNOW. Time may be ticking, I may be one day closer to death. And if I die, I’ll be with Jesus anyways, so who cares? His plans for us are so good. So today, I’m going to make Rice Krispie squares with the kids, snuggle up (and probably make out) with my HH, and enjoy today. There’s a lot of good in it.

What season are you in? What are the joys, and tribulations? Do you have peace? Want some?

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